Is it a sin to be an introvert?
Is it a sin to be an introvert?
The short answer to that question is, of course, no. But it’s amazing how often I’ve gotten the distinct impression from various pastors and leaders throughout my life that my predilection toward introversion was sinful. “Go knock on that stranger’s door and invite them to our revival/concert/community event” says the energetic youth pastor; “Talk to someone you’ve never talked to before” says the pastor; “Turn to your neighbor and say (fill in the blank with rather personal information);” says the well-meaning Sunday school teacher; or better yet, “Give your neighbor a hug or a handshake” says whichever pastor is leading ‘greeting time’ each Sunday morning. There’s nothing wrong with any of these activities, but they are activities geared almost exclusively toward extroverts, and with no alternatives available to them, many introverts end up feeling that if they don’t follow the leading of their pastoral staff in these social niceties, they must not be doing what God wants them to do. I’ve heard many sermons on the golden rule in which whoever was doing the preaching indicated that “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you” meant talking to people you didn’t know — assuming that everyone wants to be accosted with small-talk by people they’ve never met in an already uncomfortable new social situation.
The Bible tells us to love one another, to have patience and kindness toward each other, to share with those in need, but it doesn’t tell us to go out of our way to be friendly in the sorts of outgoing ways that have come to be expected of most people in American culture. “Friendliness” is not a fruit of the Spirit — at least not as many of us define “friendly.” Believe it or not, there are ways to demonstrate love and kindness toward others without constantly seeking out people you don’t know and making small talk with them. There are ways to evangelize without knocking on the door of someone you’ve never met or handing out gospel tracts on the street. It is possible to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” by sitting quietly and respecting someone’s right to privacy.
That’s not to say that an introvert might not, from time to time, need to step out of his or her comfort zone and participate in extroverted activities at the prompting of the Holy Spirit; to ignore such a prompting would, indeed, be a sin. But there are many ways to follow the Bible’s teachings about loving our neighbors that work with different personality types. For me, an introvert, loving others means caring deeply for a very small group of close friends, evangelizing through acts of kindness and through my work and art, and remaining open toward new people by greeting them with a smile or a brief word, but not necessarily with lots of other talk.
It also means that, in order to participate in the social interaction that is expected of me and that may, occasionally be prompted by the Holy Spirit, I have to get lots of alone time in order to “re-charge” so that I will be able to love people in the more overt ways that they often need. Sometimes that means that I need to sit alone and not talk to people. This can be difficult to do at church. One Sunday, when I was feeling particularly overwhelmed by people and needed some recharging time, I had to resort to sitting in the ladies’ room for several minutes. That’s when I learned that the automatic lighting will turn off after a few minutes of inactivity. Even the lighting system was unsympathetic toward my introverted needs!
The point of all of this is not for me to complain about not “getting my needs met” or to justify my discomfort with greeting time (It’s a blessing that my participation in music ministry means I get to play my guitar while everyone else shakes hands; I used to go get a drink of water during greeting time just because I felt so awkward the whole time). Instead, I hope to shed light on the fact that preferences for extraversion or introversion are culturally-bound, not spiritually grounded. American culture views extraversion as normative, so it is no wonder that American churches do the same. But since the church exists, in part, to transform culture, it might be a good idea to reexamine the tendency to hold up a cultural norm (extraversion) as a spiritual value.
Big Disclaimer: This blog entry merely describes a tendency I’ve witnessed across the board, not the specific actions of any church or individual.
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About The Author
Dr. Christine Hand Jones
Christine Hand Jones is a singer-songwriter, a professor of English and songwriting, and has served as a worship leader and church music director. She has a PhD in Literary Studies from the University of Texas at Dallas, which she earned, in large measure, by listening to the collected works of Bob Dylan and writing about what she heard. When she's not playing music or fascinating her students with stunning lectures over comma splices, Christine can be found drinking coffee, playing devoted cat mom to Desmond and Molly, and roaming the shelves of Half-Price Books.
Interesting last line.
I have met a great many that describe themselves as introverts especially lately. I too was an introvert. God’s knocked that fear of social interaction out of my head and heart by recognizing His clear commands.
My fears and needs for distance, silence, lack-of-interaction, and alone time have been whisked away by daily giving my heart to the Lord and communing with Him and constant prayer and awareness of His presence and involvement. Anytime I recognize my old introvert’s return, I eventually repent–recognizing my priorities were not in God but rather in my own interests apart from Him.
We who call ourselves Christians have become comfortable with the notion that salvation is about us. God’s purpose is not us but includes us; this thinking is rebuked in Isa 48:9. Many feel the Gospel need only be intentionally spread by those with the “gift” of evangelism. Jesus has quite a different view (“great commission” He instructs us to “go” and do the work). I consider introversion to be a symptom of rebelling against God Almighty, just as Jonah did when commanded to do God’s will.
People’s knee-jerk reaction to your expression of this hurdle is not exactly loving correction and guidance and understanding. Regardless of their response, please dig into the Word of God and you too will believe that finding comfort in doing nothing is indeed a sin. God allows us to remain broken to increase the testimony of His power on display through each of us.
Was not Moses afraid and uncomfortable? Was not David afraid and uncomfortable? They were ordinary and weak. They were human.
Underground churches are not formed by staying within one’s zone of comfort. They are formed through obedience to the Lord (which does not always mean the pastor of a given church).
“‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Cor 12
“Do not be afraid any longer, but go on speaking and do not be silent; for I am with you, and no man will attack you in order to harm you, for I have many people in this city.” Acts 18:9 God does not ordain us all to be preachers but the core message is that He is with us thus have no fear (admittedly a level a maturity that is difficult to reach) but to go on speaking for He has many people He places around us that must hear the good news.
Please also reconsider your last line. A sweeping criticism on Christ’s body, your family, is a serious matter; one must be certain they are biblically correct before doing so.
MuffinMan, I’m not sure that you understood this blog entry. You may want to re-read it.
Christine never advocated hiding from responsibilities or using introversion as an excuse to avoid being Christ-like. Introverts interact with people, but they do it differently. They prefer quiet, simple interactions over boisterous greetings. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Introversion does not have to lead to hiding in fear; it simply means that introverts need alone time in order to recharge energy and that, in general, they prefer a few deep connections with people over many shallow ones. What this translates to in terms of Christian living is a focus on prayer and meditation and an evangelism style that cultivates deep relationships with a few people. Certainly God has not given us a Spirit of fear, and there is a difference between cowering in a corner because of a failure to trust God and recognizing a need for quiet reflection in order to serve others better.
As to the blog entry’s final statement — it was not intended as a sweeping criticism; I meant simply to shed light on a different perspective on the world — an introvert’s perspective. Since many people in church leadership positions are extroverts, it can be easy for them to think that extroversion is more desirable, especially since America as a culture is geared more toward extroverts than introverts (though the internet may be changing that). As Adam noted above, the differences between extroverted and introverted approaches to the world are questions of style, not substance. I can love God and others in different (but no less effective) ways than extroverts while still trusting and obeying. And if God tells me specifically to do something that scares me, I will trust in Him and do it (a point I made already in the original entry).
Well said. It is a…pet peeve of mine when someone assumes there are only some ways, or better ways to serve the church. What is important is that we serve to the best of our ability, and then some.
Well done, Christine.
I don’t have to type in all the relevant disclaimers, so I hope my readers only read what I actually write in the next paragraph:
I would even go so far as to say that it can be a sin to not do some of the activities associated with introversion. Be alone. Be quiet. Read a book. Read the Bible. Pray. Meditate. Know yourself. Know God.
MB, I’d say you’re absolutely right.
Your article really explained who I am as a person too. I’ve been an introvert all my life. I’m comfortable with who I am & I’ve not felt condemned or convicted from The Lord over my personality type. I’m friendly but not overt. I do reach out to others and share the gospel… I have however, run into many extroverts in Churches who expect one to be the same as them and if you are not – one can be judged. I’m married to an extrovert and have to say this has been a bit difficult on both ways. But how you shared being in introvert gave me much needed peace… Kind Regards, Carol
Thanks, Carol. I’m glad this article spoke to you!
MuffinMan….its ‘christians’ like you who are poisoning the earth. If I only got to say one thing before I die, that would be it. Have a nice day.
Romans 1:16 . The verbal word always saves and not relationships . Relationship evangelism can end up only ministering to those you like. Something to consider. Although I thought the article was good and bold and gave us something to think about. Just sharing things to consider. God bless and thank you. BTW the anonymous rude comment was quite cowardly
Just to add. I think it would benefit Extroverts who share openly to spend time with introverts who practice relationship evangelism and vice versa. Because I think it should be both and not either or.
Thanks, Seth. Introverts and Extroverts in the church can and should learn from one another, as you suggest. After all, that’s part of what it means to be a body with different parts and giftings. Thanks for your input.
Thanks for your thoughtful comments, Seth. I agree with your both-and comment. I would only question whether each individual has to be both-and or whether that isn’t the very function of the Body of Christ. Not that that would preclude introverts and extraverts hanging out; the very opposite, in fact. 🙂
Right, what Christine said.
I hate the fact that introverts seem to be second class citizens in today’s society. It’s part of church culture too. It leads me to question my faith when I’m not an ‘out there’ person. Makes me feel inferior to need alone time. But introversion isn’t a flaw–it’s a personality type! God made me this way. He has ways for me to use my personality and unique gifts. I have to believe that anyway. That I’m not an aberration that needs to be ‘fixed’. Everyone has things to contribute; we’re all part of a body, made of different functions. We can’t all be a mouth. But I’m still struggling with this–I don’t know how I can get out of this resentment and feeling like I’m less than an extrovert. Why should one personality type be ‘wrong’ and another be right? Even Jesus needed to recharge sometimes.
Thanks for sharing your story, Evelyn. I’ve been encouraged by the growing numbers of introverts I’ve seen speaking up about their struggles with extroverted church culture. Just this week, I came across this great article, part of a wonderful website dedicated to helping introverts use their strengths: http://www.quietrev.com/finding-myself-on-the-interior-journey-plus-3-tips-to-help-you-find-your-way-too/