Marriage, Oral Sex & Masturbation

under-the-sheets

Dear TTC,

Is it alright to masterbate married or unmarried? In marriage is it ok to have oral sex? Thank you.

Dear Is It Alright,

Tricky questions. I’ll address the question about married oral sex first since that’s a bit easier. I can’t think of any reason why consensual married oral sex would be wrong or sinful. The Bible doesn’t even mention it; in fact, the Bible doesn’t get specific at all about what is “allowed” sexually in marriage. What it does say is this:

Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. (1 Corinthians 7:1-6, The Message)

Masturbation is not quite as straight-forward. Like oral sex, the Bible never once mentions masturbation. We are not prohibited by Scripture against masturbation, married or otherwise. The general consensus among medical and mental health professionals is that masturbation is a natural, healthy part of human sexuality, Its benefits include reproductive motility, release of sexual tension, and self-knowledge that leads to better communication between partners.

Just like sex in general can be healthy and unhealthy, a problem can arise when folks become accustomed to satisfying themselves, making it difficult to bond with their spouses: perhaps especially for women, it can become difficult to achieve satisfaction together when you’ve gotten so good at doing it yourself you don’t need/want your husband or wife sexually. Or if one partner is using self-pleasure as a way to avoid sex with his or her spouse (see 1 Cor above). This is not good.

Does this answer your questions? Let me know if I can be of further help.

God’s grace and peace to you.
Renea

Add a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *