Is it Safe to Bring Your Kids to Church? Here’s How You Can Tell.
The media thinks that child molestation in the church is a new problem – it isn’t. This horrible crime has been going on for a very long time in churches, schools, and any other place where adults work with kids. But the good news is that in our day and age you can find churches where your children will be safe from predators.
Here are the questions you should ask when visiting a church:
How many volunteers will be with my kids?
Any respectable church has at least two adults with any child (or group of children) at any time. At my church, it’s simply not possible for a kid to be alone with an adult worker. And if there are not enough workers on any given day to ensure this then the children’s minister simply cancels that class and the kids just sit in the sanctuary with their parents (which is how we did it all the time when I was a kid). The same goes for camps and outings – many adults are with the children at all times and these adults are people who are known by the church rather than random volunteers who showed up that day. Of course, anyone could be a child predator – which brings us to…
Do you perform criminal background checks on your volunteers?
If a church isn’t doing this you should go somewhere else. Of course, there are some small churches who simply lack the budget for this sort of thing, but there really shouldn’t be any excuse for it. A church should be willing to sell its own pews if necessary to find out about its workers. Also, make sure this is going on with EVERY worker. I’m friends with the children’s minister at my church, and when I told him I was willing to help out (we were running low on volunteers) he did a background check on me and made clear to me all of the rules and guidelines – even though he knew I already knew them. He treated me the same way he would treat a stranger who just walked into the church. This is how every church should do things – no one can be trusted.
Who is allowed access to the children?
At a well run church, anyone in the children’s area who is not a volunteer worker or a parent of one of the kids is treated like a hostile intruder. It doesn’t matter if it’s the music minister headed for the water fountain to wet his whistle – it’s unacceptable for anyone to be there unless they are part of the children’s ministry that day. And no one can accompany young people on a retreat of any kind unless they are a volunteer who was invited. Sometimes adults like to visit the nursery or the children’s room just to see the kids, but that cannot be allowed.
Who is allowed to pick up my child?
No brainer. No one should be allowed to pick up your kid except you (unless you give expressed permission). Ever. Only an incredibly stupid church would just give kids away to anyone. Still, it’s a good question to ask.
Can I look at the children’s area?
A church should have no problem showing you where the children will be. Are there a lot of exits? Is it difficult for someone to sneak in? Take a look. Some of these areas are designed with windows on the doors so the children’s minister can patrol the halls and keep an eye on every kid. Others don’t have doors at all. It’s pretty easy to setup child friendly environments and a church should be trying to do this.
Can I help out with the children’s ministry?
The best way to see how the kids are being treated is to be a part of the regular rotation of workers. You can see for yourself if there are any security leaks and you’ll know what’s going on with your kids (and you’ll be able to check on them more easily). If you are part of a healthy children’s ministry for your kids then you really won’t have much to worry about.
As you can see, if a church is doing things right then it is pretty difficult for a child predator to get away with anything. It’s certainly more safe then a public school or a private music lesson where teachers and principles are often alone with students.
Churches that find child molestation going under their roofs are never doing these things correctly. When I hear about a minister abusing a child I wonder, “How on earth that minister manage to be alone with a kid?” That really shouldn’t be possible when good organization is in place, and what kind of church (or parent) allows that sort of thing? There’s no excuse for this problem being so widespread – the simple truth is that some churches just aren’t doing their job.
The good news? Most churches are doing their job, and it’s easy to find a church with a responsible children’s ministry if you do a little homework.
UPDATE: I realize that I left something out – referrals. In order to serve in any children’s ministry a referral should be required (actually, two) from people who can recommend you as a person of good and trustworthy character who can be given the responsibility of handling children. That’s very important, and I appreciate my friends in the comments who reminded me of this glaring omission.
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It’s really sad that we have to think about this stuff.
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True, but if we had been paying attention to this sort of thing all along we would be in the trouble we are in, right now.
(I think you’re missing a negative in that last comment.)
This is a really useful entry, Adam, I hope any parents or guardians are looking and asking for these details when leaving their children in anyone’s care (church or otherwise). I’ve been spending these last 3 summer’s steeped in Children’s Ministry at Andrew’s Mom’s church (where she is the Children’s Director).
I’ve done the application processing for any workers or volunteers, and used to run the background checks (and never got the impression it cost the church money, but maybe it does). This year only one person in our dpt. is allowed to run the checks because they’ve gone through a special training that the government requires, and all the checks have to be on file as hard-copy in one specific place per these laws. We also require a reference letter on file for all volunteers and 2 for paid workers. Personnel in CM takes tons of time every week, but I’m impressed with the way it’s dealt with here at Grace Bible in C.S., TX.
They even have a special card system where parents get a colored card with a number when they drop off their kids, and have to show that card to pick them up, so even their own parents can’t take them unless they show the matching card (though this will soon change to an electronic sign in kiosk, bar code thing, like many modern churches are already doing).
Your point about getting to know the system by offering to work in it yourself (as a parent) would be much appreciated by the Children’s leaders, too. Because nursery and sunday school is a free service the church offers during services, Parents would do well to give back by working a few Sundays themselves. I know once or twice they’ve had to shut down the nursery because there were too many kids per adequate adult ratio, and not enough workers, which (as you explained) isn’t safe. Sometimes parents have seemed very annoyed by that service not being available, and it is all too easy for them to begin to feel a sense of entitlement. So help keep that service running for other families and your own, and do your part…remembering that it’s not a baby sitting service, but a ministry where loving people want to grow and teach your kids more about Jesus!
(Sorry for my rant, but thanks for the post. I hear a lot about this stuff from both sides, so thought I’d add my 2 cents.)
真是太猛了，請受小弟一拜Orz(＞Ｏ＜)......................................................
1. Can’t you do anything about your porn guy?
2. To justify this post, which was really good fyi. You did make a comment that struck me, “no one can be trusted.”
Perhaps the problem is this naive sort of trust, but the comment had the tone of cynicism. It’s a falacy that trust = burying one’s head in the sand. A mature willingness to trust looks for reasons we can trust, e.g. a background check. It’s comparable to faith in a sense. There’s blind faith, skepticism criticizing blind faith, and then there’s a mature faith that is attuned to the reasons for this faith. I know you have a clean record + you’re not too weird so we’ll give give you a trust extention, the benefit of the doubt.
This is different from not respecting people’s privacy btw or creepily facestalking them. This is showing discerning as to whom one should trust.
A couple of notes, speaking as a survivor of clergy abuse. (Pardon my lengthy soap box).
1. A clergyman or lay person’s government background check could come up squeaky clean, but that only provides evidence that they have not been caught. You need people who can vouch for them. Talk to their previous congregation. Were there any complaints of impropriety or abuse? It’s not just the Catholic church that sweeps such complaints under the rug- Protestants do it as well (and I would know). Ask congregants- not just the staff- of the person’s former church, about any unusual behavior, signs of abuse, or complaints. The congregants have no reason to hide any of this, because it is only the persons in power whose authority and structure are threatened by such things. A lot of these clergy (and laity) child predators shuffle from church to church. There is unbelievably poor communication amongst churches in regard to this issue.
2. Know the signs of abuse, and educate others about them. Predators look for easy targets, often choosing victims who have inadequate support within their family or social structure. If there is a family who discourages honest, open communication amongst its members, or one who cultivates a deep sense of personal shame, or one with economic or societal disadvantage, causing poor access to resources, then this is the ideal family or social structure within which can be found the easy target.
Joshua – I should do something about that spammer, but I’m kind of lazy. And I will have to start having people fill out captchas. Which isn’t that bad since every other website in the world requires that I guess mine can, too. Thanks for your insight, as well.
Sarah, you bring up a good point – I didn’t mention referrals which should be a part of the process. It’s very important.
雖天地之大，萬物之多，而惟吾蜩翼之知。.......................................................