The Conspiracy Theorist on Campus

Today, I was approached by a small balding man who handed me a sheet of paper and told me that I needed to know my rights.  At first, he seemed legit – as if there was something going on I needed to know about – but it didn’t take me long to see that he was not there to tell me about building codes.  He quickly informed me that the police have no right to ticket me and that I should not obey their laws.  I wanted to know more about what made my new friend tick, so I asked him for more information.  Here’s what I learned:

  • The Romans invented capitol letters and used them to take away my rights.  I have no rights, today, because of this.  (Don’t ask me.  I didn’t make this stuff up.)
  • Japan’s radiation problems will destroy their companies.  This will, in turn, destroy the U.S. Stock exchange.
  • The United States of America will soon collapse completely as a result of losing Wall Street.  (“I figure…oh, about July,” he told me.) Our country will no longer exist.
  • I should not obey traffic laws because they are simply illegal and do not actually hold any authority over me.  (Of course, if the U.S. is about to come to an end, I’m not sure why petty moving violations should be my concern.)
  • He told me that he could (at any moment) decide to hold me down and put me in a citizen’s arrest and detain me until the police came, because he’s just as powerful as the police.  (I let him know that I would have no trouble detaining him if he wanted to go that route.  He changed the subject.)
  • He told me that Blackstone’s Lawbook includes a loophole that takes away our rights.  I told him that Blackwell was not considered gospel in today’s courts.  He changed the subject.
  • His handout lists numerous city/state codes and what he thinks are proofs that they are invalid.  I’m not convinced.

I had more questions, but he had more propaganda to hand out.  Maybe I’ll see him in August if the government doesn’t collapse.

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